you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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