yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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