Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
