Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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