So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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