first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
