I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
