We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
