She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My ATM looks so different sober.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
