why im i the only drunk person in the library?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
