So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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