Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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