Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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