where am i from again
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
