I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
