Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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