good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
