I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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