Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
