I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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