it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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