That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
