I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
