drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.