I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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