I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
