i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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