I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
