my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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