I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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