Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
