this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
