apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Mom said you looked used
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize