you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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