You're so nebulous sometimes
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
