When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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