so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
