Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
