I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
