so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
