Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
