I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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