Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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