Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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