I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We had to coat check the pizza.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
