I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
