you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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