Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
