I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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