Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
