Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
