DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
