Do you still have your period?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
