hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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