Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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