i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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