Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
