Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
