that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
