I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
