i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
