i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
