I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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