before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
