O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
