and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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