She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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