I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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