i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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